Yesterday as I was driving home from another tough but fun circuit training session in the village with some very neat ladies [I am the baby in the group] I had the sudden realisation that my first born baby turns 25 next year, in my 50TH year.
I can hardly believe it, I’m not sure as to how that has come to be. I mean I knew he would grow and please God celebrate many birthdays and he’s grown in to a fine young man and a lovely dad and I am very proud of him. What I didn’t see coming was as he aged I would to.
50 is literally around the corner waiting to stand boldly in view while it eyeballs me, determined that we will meet. In fact whenever I allow the errant thought of being 49 in a few weeks to enter my head 5o immediately pops alongside and says nearly 50.
I spent a full decade in complete total denial that I had actually turned 30. For a full decade I turned 29 each April. I just wasn’t ready to be there, surely I wasn’t old enough to be there but regardless of what I wanted 30 came and went anyway. Then suddenly my 40’s arrived and reluctantly I had to admit to being 30 and finally a month or so late I celebrated – and I use that term loosely- my 40th. [I actually had a few friends around, got drunk and was sick the next morning.]
So this year is my final year in the 40’s and I stand tall and proud. I can honestly say that this decade has been the best damned decade of my life thus far. I have grown so much and grown into a person I really like, want to be with and well, I love me. That has never happened in past decades.
I would now love to go back to my younger self and tell her all these things, let her know it’s going to be okay, that we are okay now.
So, even though my 30’s didn’t exist and I reluctantly stepped into my 40’s but had the best decade ever I am having to find a place to be at peace with being 50 in 14 months time.
I mean 50’s, that’s where all my aunts and uncles reside along with my parents. Right?? How is it possible I am now looking down that tunnel at that? I have checked and rechecked my birth certificate and it clearly states born in 1967 – WTF.
Many of my friends are already in their 50’s, some have been for a little while now and they seem fine, still themselves and still enjoying life. I certainly don’t look at them and think how old they are [well except of course if I am teasing them about my youthfulness] so I figure there is hope for me yet.
I have been known to occasionally use the phrase ‘the younger generation’ in a genuine sentence. That in itself should have been a warning sign.
Right now I’m still in a little shock that 50 is fast tracking my way but then I have a year to get use to the idea and face it head on. And I have found that as I get older I get younger and happier so eyes forward and heart open.