As I sit here, stereo on, fire going, the rain is falling steadily [which is most welcome as we really needed it here up the mountain] and the fog has quietly rolled in. It’s holding just away’s back from the house but has successfully completely obscured the view of the world beyond and I feel safe, cocooned and at peace.
And it’s nice.
And actually I needed that, just to be grounded again and to be back in the space within me that I most like to occupy.
I’m doing sick.
Viral nasty cold kind of sick.
I don’t do sick very well.
First thing to go is my sense of humour. Then comes the heightened sensitivity to perceived criticism from hubby [mainly]. I accused him of deliberately winding me up, of picking on me knowing I am vulnerable now. My defences are down and my coping abilities compromised because I am doing sick.
I feel lousy physically therefore my mood feels justified in reflecting that.
Just between me and the words on this page [and anyone reading said words] it occurred to me that maybe hubs wasn’t so much deliberately winding me up in my poor state of health and mind but more me being in poor state of health and mind reacting to it when usually I just laugh it off and dish it lovingly back.
Damn, so maybe it is me. Kind of liked it better when he was at fault.
Then I decided I needed a drink, since I’m not doing well I deserve it. Furthermore I jumped in my trusty little wagon this morning and headed down the mountain to visit the village shop. They didn’t have the drink I was hankering for so I had to compromise on another one, equally wrong but thankfully tasty and along with the chocolate [also equally deserved] my craving was sated.
And I got to thinking about that. My need for a drink and the justification for it. No alcohol was consumed here, only energy drinks. Full of crap, equally addictive [sooooooooo much sugar] but thankfully I don’t get drunk on it and I can stop at one. But what was interesting is the justification for it, same sorts of reasons I applied to having a drink of wine.
Okay, note to self – thinking system is still active here. Further work to be done.
The grounding has worked well on me and within me to lift my spirits and I am again working on the philosophy “ACT THE WAY I WANT TO FEEL”. [The Happiness Project – Gretchen Rubin]. And I am finding ways to enjoy the enforced down time being ill requires in order to again be well.
My heart is smiling again. And wonderfully, though still not back to full health, I am beginning to notice an increase on my wellness scale. Bring it on.
Besides my beloved little grandson turns 1 this weekend and no illness is keeping me away from celebrating with him and all the family. Nan Nan will most definitely be there.
So time for some more juicing and a self Reiki session.
Together in Strength
Gael [aka Nan Nan]