There are Changes Afoot….
Well, possibly there are changes ahead for me.
No, there are definitely changes ahead.
With this whirlpool of confused indecisive thinking it’s a wonder I manage to acheive anything. There is truth in there and there is fear gently rocking the seemingly original strong foundations of my belief in these changes for myself.
But I think I need to back track a little here, explain myself more clearly. The year before last, very late in the year I moved out country up my mountain and in doing so gave up my job. BIG change for me. Then last year I stopped drinking. And I haven’t had one since. BIG change.
So two really big life changing changes and both have done me the power of good. From those changes I have had other changes come about, mainly within.
This year was going to be my year to take those changes to the next level, to further this personal growth with increased strength and momento.
And well thats where it all came to a halt. I didn’t know how I was going to do that or even quite what I wanted to specifically and quantifably achieve. And if I didn’t know that then how could I possibly know how I was going to do it. So I coasted along, wanting more, needing more, desiring more but getting well nothing much really. Status quo had been achieved.
Then, and I love it when this happens, something changed. I brought a book and it had me enthralled from beginning to end. I knew as I began reading I had found my motivator, that “thing” that kick starts the stalled momentum again. I brought Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project. An absolutely brilliant book.
I read it with great enthusiasm armed with notebook and pen. I took notes as I read, bits from the book and thoughts as they popped into my head. And in doing so I felt alive, productive , enthusiastic, hopeful and purposeful.
I have my list of commandments that I believe are really important to me and for me to live by. I have my list of resolutions to bring into my life and to live according to them. I’ve brought two other of her books “Better Than Before” and “Happiness at Home”. I’m currently reading the latter, notebook and pen at the ready.
I want to be the best person I can be, I want to be a better and happier me. I want to understand just who I am, how I tick and I want to be accepting of that.
And I want to write about it. I love to write. Sometimes I feel I simply have to write. Maybe what I have to say is of interest to someone else, maybe not but there is an innate need within me to put it down and to put it out there.
So I am blogging about it.
But I have been questioning is this blog the right place for it. I set up this blog originally to help me through the transition of drinking to not drinking and it’s been an awesome place to go and I have received some invaluable feedback. [just as I have from the Living Sober website which to have been an invaluable source of support] But I don’t know if my not drinkiing blog site is the place for this and have been contemplating setting up another blog. [a challenge in itself as setting up this blog site was big for me, I tend to believe that I am techno challenged therefore I do sit in fear of it].
I’ve even thought of a couple of new blog site names – Simply, Finally, Me and The Importance of Being Me: Growing into Authenticity.
I want to write about my life up here [up my mountian] which is totally new for the townie girl I was and I want to write about me, what’s changing, how and why.
I know I want to do this and indeed there is a real need that lies deep within to do this but as time passes by, you know – day by day, thoughts begin to creep in tainted with hints of self doubt and fear of not getting it right or doing it right.
Yep, those old thoughts.
It’s just that not doing it is not an option for me. And there is this defiant part of me that is super excited about jumping in gumboots and all and seeing where this next phase takes me.
I’m motivated to do it.
I’ve found a set of tools which support me to do it.
I’ve grown so much in the last 18 months that there is room within to do it.
I support myself to do it.
So, I guess the next step is to simply get on with doing it.