There was another rainbow this morning out the back of my place. By the time I got my camera it had hazed over a little as the drizzle settled in. But despite the murkiness the rainbow was still very much real, still vibrant and still very present.
I took it as another message to me. Not so much God Bricked [thank you Sherry for the expression gem] but that the Angels were wrapping their wings around me letting me know that despite the lowness of yesterdays state of mind I am still very much real, still very much vibrant and still very much present. And I am loved and I am okay.
What I have learnt from this is that feelings are moments and moments pass. I have learnt that feeling low and sad and lost are real feelings but are not the real me. The real me is positive and joyful and optimistic and kind and loving. Truly I rejoiced in the understanding of that, I am at my best when those feelings are upon me and within me and that they are representative of the real me. Once upon a time I was afraid of those feelings, they couldn’t possibly last, I’m not that kind of person as much as I might want to be and at any moment it will all come crashing down. That’s not true for me now, I’ve found so much more of myself, I am so much more of a healer that I can find my way back which is what I have done here.
I have lifted myself back up, my thoughts to myself are loving, humorous and encouraging. And my back has dialled back the intensity of the pain so I can rise even higher. Self nurturing is a challenging gaol to work towards on all levels and the rewards are totally mindblowing on all those same levels.
So here I am on mother’s day taking it easy as the back hasn’t yet choosen to release all of its suffering yet but feeling strong and loved. Both boys sent me a text quite early on [both are at work], one of the boys partner wished me a happy mother’s day on facebook and thanked me for raising such an awesome man, a friend texted mother’s day greetings to her friends commenting on the awesome job we have done, hubby made me breakfast and one of my girls [beloved dogs] gave me a card complete with muddy paw print signature.
Angels wings and whispers.
I am 314 days sober, only 51 sleeps until I can claim 365 days. The best thing about going sober is the journey of self discovery, the discovery of how to be a friend to myself. I can do the lows, I can let those uncomfortable feelings in because I now know I am more than that.
I am me. I am alcohol free. I am loving life. In the good and bad times, in the ups and downs, in the highs and lows, I am loving life.
As a blogging friend told me today “I am enough”.
p.s. I tried to include a photo of the rainbow out the back of my place but couldn’t do it, wouldn’t let me????