So today is my 26th wedding anniversary.
Last year I spent most of it crying, feeling seriously sorry for myself. No big celebrations, my children didn’t remember [both were very busy with what was happening in their lives at the time and I do understand], no party. Hubby remembered and brought me home a bottle of wine and chocolate which I gratefully received. He was concerned but I didn’t have the words to explain what was going on with me. But that was then and this is now.
And sadly I am doing rather flat today. I don’t know why [it’s not a reflection on my marriage] but sadness is the current mood and being in a funk the current flavour for the day.
This is so not where I want to be so I need to put on my suck it up and get on with the day big girl pants and do just that. I need to get off my ass and motivate myself to do something, anything and thus release the grip this cloud has on me. My mood, so it is within me to switch to another setting. And that is what I am choosing to do.
This does not serve me at all.
I wonder though if these low times are brought to us from us, from our higher self, as a way of ensuring our understanding of ourselves, our lives, of others, of the environment that surrounds us locally and far wider, so that we can truly learn to trust the joy and the happy and the calm, so that we can truly begin to appreciate ourselves and to love ourselves, so we can learn that we are strong and capable, to know we are loved and that we love and that it does matter, that we matter and if we can do that then we can get in-depth sense of who we are, what we are capable of, of the strength we possess and from there the rewards expand far greater than we can imagine.
Feeling this way is no fun but imagine if you can for just one moment taking that sad and flipping it over to find the joy in the day. It is always there, we just need to open our eyes and our hearts and our ears.
I am grateful for the words to write this for it helps to clear away my fog.
I am grateful for my beautiful farm that I can walk around and find myself back in me.
I am grateful for my marriage and the man whom I share my life with.
I am grateful each time my children reach out to me and I am grateful that they are able to lead independent lives.
I am grateful for the smile I feel building up in momento and strength within my core and I am grateful for how it shows on my face.
I am grateful.