Normally I don’t have an issue about whether or not I mention my sobriety status. It’s my knew normal or after 233 days it’s my now normal.
But a couple of days ago I did have quite a dilemma over whether I should tell a friend or not. I honestly thought she knew, I had assumed a mutual friend would have told her as I’ve not actually said anything . We did have a few social events pre Christmas in which I wasn’t drinking but guess it would an understandable assumption that I was the sober driver [which of course I was].
But when a this friend emailed to say she was sorry I couldn’t make the latest party. That there are some delicious liquors available I didn’t know how to respond. If I had still been drinking then I would have totally changed my plans, free drinks, party and cocktails – hello!! But I’d made plans ages ago with my husband to go away the weekend it was changed to and I’ve chosen to honour that. And I guess to be honest that decision feels right, I wasn’t looking forward to a party that revolved around drinking like that [even though I know there were games etc].
I did such angst on how to reply to her; do I tell her via email or just keep my reply general?? I felt quite sick just thinking about it.
So I asked for help on living sober and the questions and advice that I received was invaluable and even though they don’t know all of my history with this friend they were able to nail a couple of pertinent points that made my decision on how to reply easy and brought calm back to being.
I made a general reply and I feel really good about that. Crisis resolved and I simply got on with enjoying my day.
I’m not ready to tell this person, certainly not by email. Ultimately I don’t trust her, I can’t trust how she will respond and I know I can’t trust her to have my best interests at heart. Don’t get me wrong she is a good person but she just has her own issues and I’ve been caught in her cross fires to many times.
It does make me sad to feel this way but when I choose to stop drinking I also choose to put myself and my needs first. Probably the least selfish thing I have done in my life and the most beneficial thing to myself, my family and my friends. Hell the universe too actually.
To anyone who visits living sober, whether you post or you lurk, I encourage you to put your fears, issues, worries out there because the help is there.
And I am truly grateful that people took a moment to read about my worries and respond. I am immensely grateful for their thoughts and questions because I was able to resolve something that has been on my mind for ages and was brought to the forefront with that email. Not only did I resolve it but I did so with an understanding of why I felt like I did. I feel at peace again.
And I genuinely wish that same peace and calm for my friend.
God bless everyone.