I LOVE chocolate.
What’s a girl to do????
While my conscience and my logical mind were both saying a definite no! My eyes betrayed me by gazing over the options available and my hand betrayed me by picking my favourite flavour.Damn it, before I knew what was happening I’d handed my mother my chocolate bar of choice and off she went to pay for it.
I can’t even delude myself that if she’s buying it’s okay. Hell, after months of sobriety I know better than that. What a condundrum, wanting the chocolate and not wanting it and then of course there is the extreme dilemma of having said chocolate bar in the house tempting me with it’s seductive ways to delight in the taste of it – in other words devour it as quickly as I can.
I love chocolate and while I don’t want to stop eating it the way I’ve choosen to stop drinking wine and V I still want to be able to have my cake [of chocolate] and eat it to. Minimising weight and consuming sugar aren’t compatible buddies, at least not in my life.
Well okay I accept that chocolate and I are a work in progress. I do tend towards addictive compulsive behaviour when it’s around, especially if it’s lurking in my cupboards. Willpower, I have none.
And that got me thinking about whether I could actually drink again. You know, feeling strong and in control so maybe I could. This chocolate situation is a good reminder that it’s highly likely should I drink again I will fall back into those addictive compulsive behaviours that can’t lead to anywhere good. I haven’t changed some of those internal thought patterns, beliefs or behaviours and maybe it’s always going to be a part of me.
So drinking……yeah nah.
And I’m cool with that.
Now, all I need to do is get back downstairs and past the pantry cupboard where the Turkish delight is waiting patiently for me………………….mmmmmmmmm.