I did it, I actually had a drink New Years Eve. An alcoholic drink!!!
And I can’t believe I actually did it.
And no, it’s not a crazy drink dream.
I drank alcohol.
Thankfully though it’s not as bad as it might seem. I did nearly freak out and panic that I had stuffed up my 186 days of sobriety but I didn’t. Not really, although feel free to correct me if I am wrong.
This is how my vodka mishap played out: the men folk were outside at the bbq doing their thing whilst drinking and chatting amongst themselves. Us women folk were in the kitchen [surprise surprise] also drinking and chatting whilst I cooked up the fritters and got the table set and the salads out ready for our final 2014 feast.
All our wine glasses were safely housed on the island including my wine glass of cranberry juice and soda. Oh so absent mindedly quite accidently and totally unconsciously I picked up my glass and had a small mouthful. And that’s when I discovered whilst being busy and busily talking I had picked up the wrong glass. [and I did this while totally sober!!].
Okay, so close call but crisis immediately averted with laughter and a mouthful of the right drink and no harm done and no relapsing desire to take that slip up any further. All was well and all is well. Whew.
When our first lot of guests did arrive they all sat down and had a coffee. A COFFEE!!! 4PM New Years Eve!!!! Totally unheard of once upon a time.
It did get me thinking though to the last few new year eve’s. By lunch time I was decadently indulging in my first celebratory glass of bubbles, well it is the end of the year and all so that makes it okay. By mid afternoon I am sneaking a quick second glass as I ready things for the guests to arrive, again I am busy in the kitchen at the end of the year so it’s all acceptable.
But…………..then I am anxiously awaiting for them to arrive so I can now legitimately keep on drinking, being as it’s the end of the year and a celebratory time. By now I have pretty much cleaned up a bottle [ well they don’t come with much in them after all] and am hoping I am not too drunk to appear in front of guests.
And then here they are so it’s time to have a drink, finally. And then comes the anxiety am I drinking to much, are they still drinking, oh no they have slowed down but I want another one so what should I do, oh bugger it it’s new years after all so I’ll have another one and on goes the game in my head.
The next morning I am sneaking down to the old camp site toilet to feel miserable and throw up in secret. But by lunchtime, well it’s new years day and it ‘s time for a lunch time celebratory drink of bubbles!
For the first time ever I slept soundly once we got to bed in the wee hours of news years day, I did not wake feeling guilty and full of self recrimination at the amount I drank and my total lack of self control and I did not wake up hoping I could get out of the cottage to throw up. I woke up feeling refreshed, ready to face my day and so very totally proud of myself for having successfully achieved my first goal of the year – a sober start.
[some of the others……………not so much – lol]
I sincerely hope that all of you found yourselves in a similar position and are looking forward into 2015 with a sober path in front of you. For those of you who may have struggled but still stayed sober take a moment to focus on your success, you stayed sober! Fantastic. And for those of you for whom the wagon wheels may have come off, well this is a brand new year and the sun will still shine and each day is a new beginning just waiting for you to get back up and on your way.
None of us are ever alone, sober bloggers and sober sites are in abundance offering so much support and encouragement and understanding and acceptance. We just have to reach out with a cyber hand and it will be grabbed by another sober hand.
Thanks to every one who has grabbed my hand when I have needed support and encouragement. I appreciate it and am so grateful for it.
Happy New Year Everyone.