Fair question I guess. When it was put to me along with I need to get over it by New Years and it’s just not natural I laughed, a genuine laugh and brushed the comment off. I assumed my friend was joking, I’m not really sure.
I keep thinking I have finished with things to write about on not drinking and being sober but then something will happen and the thoughts swirl around in my head and away I go again. Seems I haven’t run out of things to think about and write about just yet.
The mystery dinner that night was at a very nice winery which also served high alcoholic content beer of which this particular friend had consumed a few. I did do pissed off on arrival at not being able to drink but got over that very quickly and went on to have a fun night. In fact I delight in these social nights as I feel totally in control and free and aware and so much more alive than I did when I drank. I just get to get on with the night and not the worry of slurring words and maybe tripping up and oh God did I just really say that and……………………..well I know you all understand. [note to self – just came up with reason to not get over this thing].
This friends comments did get me thinking about it all as I seem to do a lot these days. I asked hubby what did he think and turns out he doesn’t think anything, he doesn’t have an opinion. If I want to stay as I am then that’s fine with him. Okay so totally my choice, sweet.
I do want to drink, I would love to have a wine but the deep gut soul truth here is that equally I don’t want to. I am so much a better person now regardless of those times I do struggle and fear and anxiety over it all. I am a better person from the inside out in so many ways. I like me and I’ve never really done that before. I’ve pretended to while hiding myself from the fact I didn’t but now I actually truly do like me and I want always to have that feeling.
I am a Reiki healer, Friday I offered fear and doubt about my ability and lack of clientele to God and instead choose to trust in the universe and have faith that it will happen as it should and as is right. Saturday I got a call from a new client needing an urgent appointment who had one that day and again Sunday and is coming again for a 3rd. Sunday night I got an email from another new client requesting an appointment.
Alcohol and energy healing do not go together.
Following a spiritual path being open to what may come and alcohol do not go together.
And that I said to my hubby is why I will keep on as I am. Totally alcohol free.
Being sober allows me to be me in a way I never have been in all my 47 years.
I won’t deny I still do struggle and ugly and destructive thoughts and beliefs but equally I now do positive and joy and faith and self love and self belief and I am my very good friend.
So when am I going to get over it, by the grace of God – never!
Besides, I am so looking forward to New Years day and not sneaking off to the out door toilet down the track aways so I can quietly throw up with the hope no one will know. I am so looking forward to waking up feeling awesomely healthy and well.
Love and Laughter people.