It seems just lately that everywhere I look at the moment I am being visually assaulted with all manner of wine advertising. My eyes are drawn to it and then my senses respond as if with a will of their own. Sometimes I feel like I am separate from the rest of me. I’ve chosen not to drink but my body and mind responds to these visual reminders as if I still do or at least want to or at least should be reconsidering my stance.
I should probably point out here that I am not feeling under threat, more so I am amused at myself for how I do respond.
For example just recently whilst flicking through a magazine there was a full page glossy ad showing that one of my favourite wine brands [ no wait, that should read an EX favourite] has now brought out a Rose. For a flicker of a moment I felt a little excited then deflated [of course I don’t drink so it doesn’t matter]. Then there are the aprons or wall hangings with quirky slogans which read ‘Wine is the answer, I forgot the question’. Funny of course, well at least once I would have thought so and would have been tempted to buy an apron either for myself or a friend. Now I walk past with bemusement and a sense of bewilderment as to why so many of these now just keep popping in to my line of vision while wandering my way through the mall with specific shopping plans to achieve and a definite to just get on out of it and get back up to my mountain.
And then yesterday when leaving Blenheim we seemed to drive past every single winery possible, favourites [oops EX] like Scott’s or Stoneleigh or Hunters or……………………………………….well it doesn’t really matter. Point is I was being visually assaulted and cunningly reminded of what I once enjoyed [and did emotional angst over].
I’m thinking perhaps there is a little bit of cosmic mischief at play delighting in taunting me or maybe challenging me to assess my position and the reasons why. Okay, so maybe it’s a good thing happening here. Perhaps it’s to test the strength of my resolve and the sturdiness of my foundations of my commitment to stay alcohol free. Well okay, I’m up to the challenge so bring it on!
And having reviewed my situation I can say I am confidently trotting along with my wine free life. I have an “it’s all good, no effort required, no thought given” approach and attitude to it. Mostly…………………. My foundations are super strong and sturdy mostly………………………………………..
You see, the honest truth here is that yes sometimes I am tempted, sometimes I do question my decisions and choice, sometimes I do resent not being able to drink. Hubby asked just recently if I was still happy with my decision. Fair question and the honest answer is “yes, mostly, but sometimes………”
I find these sometimes damned frustrating, after all it’s been 134 days [that’s not far from a whole half year!!!] and
- I choose to do this
- I have very good reasons for doing it
- I am completely aware of how I have benefitted thus far
- And I am fully aware of how I have changed for the most wonderful better on all levels of my being
So……………. shouldn’t all those sometime moments be over now????????????????
But I guess I developed my alcohol habits and behaviours over quite a few years and just as Rome wasn’t built in a day so neither it seems is the construction, installation and maintainment of my new beliefs and behaviours. Sometimes old habits just sneak in just in case……….
I acknowledge that I am forever and always a work in progress:
- Forever and always changing
- Forever and always developing
- Forever and always growing
- Forever and always tweaking
- And forever and always learning.
Besides which, if I am to be honest here I’ll be damned if I am going to slip up and then have to admit it here in a blog or at Sober Living or to anyone I have ever told I no longer drink and I will be super damned if I will admit it to myself so failure or slipping up is just not an option.
So sometimes I’d like a drink, would love one in fact but at no time in 134 days have I ever had one, no not even a single sip.
Damn straight it is!