Well okay, not an entirely accurate situation. Of course I drink, if I didn’t I’d dehydrate, get sick and even possibly die. Kind of funny in an ironic way because my drinking could have potentially taken me that same way, with the amount and frequency I was drinking on the increase.
What I should say is yes I am still drinking however my drinks are now alcohol free.
So, an interesting night on Saturday and actually wonderful beyond expectations. Big social dinner out of town for hubby’s work with the upper echelon of people in the business. I use to work in the business so knew a few of them. There was just one person, [well two counting his lovely partner, I shall refer to them as T and J]with whom I was a little nervous about the big no alcohol reveal. I have no issue with my decision and I stand by it but to be fair I was just that wee bit nervous.
Basically it went a bit like this: T offered to get me another sav [I was drinking my lemon lime and bitters in a wine glass]. I replied politely with a no thanks but an orange juice would be lovely. Thus came the looks and joking comments of “are you driving”? “No” says I with a grin. I don’t actually drink anymore, haven’t for ages. Then I stood there grinning because their faces were a little funny and because it was liberating to say so as if it’s not a big deal and just normal. Which it is for me now.
There was some shock, very real shock which I found quite funny. They were right in their comments. In a voice of total disbelief T said “ but you loved your wine, really loved your wine”!! And I did, I really loved my wine and that I explained that was the problem. I was loving it way too much, way way WAY too much.
But here is where it gets really good. I took the explanation a step further and promoted myself. I expanded on beginning my new business of energy healing and how drinking doesn’t support that kind of energy and so I needed to stop. I expanded on how excited I am about my first official client and how wonderful I am feeling. AND I believed it. I believed all those wonderful things I was saying. I did it with confidence and sincerity and pride and total self belief. WOW, I don’t think I can remember a time when I have loved myself that much like that. Truly by now I was totally buzzing.
And I took the shock of my not drinking up a level to all the good stuff happening in my life.
J jokingly commented that I’m no fun any longer, that she was looking forward to coming up and drinking wine with me. I just laughed, Oh I am still a lot of fun said I and you can still come up and drink.
And I was fun! I had a great night, lots of laughs, boogied on the dance floor and even played the tambourine [you had to be there], was one of the last to leave. In fact I would go as far to say I am just as silly sober!!! Funny.
Hubby asked a couple of times was I okay. He was concerned that with not drinking I might be getting bored or perhaps feel a bit like I didn’t fit in. Not at all, if anything I actually felt so much more confident [blows that theory about alcohol giving me confidence] and I found it easier to be sociable [ theory number 2 blown that I need alcohol to be sociable].
I felt so energised by my successful evening. I kept telling myself I am sober and I am loving it, as if I was hearing that for the first time. I am struggling here to find the right words to convey just how I was feeling in the midst of that experience. There was such a depth of emotion because I was doing it, me!! I was doing it and believing it. I was feeling such a success and that’s not a state I’ve usually associated with myself. Being successful.
I still marvel [that’s a good word] at myself and where I’ve come from to where I am and how I am successfully doing it. As I laughed on the outside I was laughing with joy so much more on the inside.
I truly had no idea what stopping alcohol would do for me, to me, where it would lead me and what I was then capable of achieving. It’s wonderfully and incredibly mind blowing and I am so grateful that I did it. That I took that first step, that I reached out for support and it was there reaching back. [Thank you Mrs D for being on telly that night – truly the universe provides when we are ready].
I have read and reread my earlier blog – It’s all relative – quite a few times with a sense of wonderment. Yep that was truly me, I was that person with those issues. In having written that and then reread it, it’s become so very clear what a problem I was doing. It was liberating to have written it actually and to know where I am now. I have amazed myself, faced some demons and am now on the other side of that.
T asked did I miss the wine. His question was genuine and so I answered it equally genuinely. Sometimes I do, or I did in the early days but I am strong in my decision and I’m staying here because it’s so much better for me. Writing that post and rereading along with the incredible feedback it received is my go to [I’ve printed them all out] in those moments when my little wino self [little as opposed to how big it once was] finds a gap in my consciousness to poke through and see if it can razzle up a little trouble.
I feel so much more joy, laugh equally on the inside as I do the outside, am more confident, feel successful, love myself, have a sense of pride in myself, believe in myself so much more now than I have ever done in my life. I hear and see Spirit again. I’m on a journey of coming home to myself and I am getting a strong sense of purpose in my life.
Would I want to lose all that just over a glass or few of wine??? HELL NO.
I am a super sober person and loving it.