It’s 7.49am and almost right on time the sun is beginning to hint at rising above the hills. The clouds are an attractive shade of pink and there is a sense of energy shifting ready to really get on with the day now the sun is coming to bring light and warmth. I truly love where I live. Outside my office window is the most amazing view, mountain ranges that were up until just recently covered in snow, dense bush land with variations of colour. Not to mention the birdlife some of which comes up the window to peer in at me while I’m working here. The yard area outside here is covered in a blanket of frost, a small ray of sun has hit a top peak and it’s glowing like a beacon of hope. Truly, I live in a pocket of paradise and I am immensely grateful to have it. I marvel regularly at it’s ever changing but constant landscape, the weather that comes and goes through, even the rabbits at play [although that particular pleasure is sorely tested now they have eaten my vege plants].
I take strength from this land. I gaze out at it and feel it’s energy pervading through me, giving me a sense of hope and the belief I can do anything. So right here right now I feel fantastic, invincible and that I can easily achieve anything that I set out to do. Including moving on from choosing to not imbibe alcohol.
Coming home from town the other day I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted a drink. Pretty much said exactly that to Dearest Hubby. He laughed which was exactly the right thing to do. Just with that laugh it took the edge of that intense longing and I relaxed. I allowed that feeling to be there, no point denying it exists as it’ll get stronger so I allowed it. Tried to relax into it with the hopes it would flow through.
But what really got me was WHY?? Why did I really want this drink? What was I wanting from this drink? Why is it that this drink needs to be a wine and not something else? This is what I can’t fathom just yet, what exactly am I wanting when I want this drink? I just don’t know. On arriving home, immediate chores out the way, I got out my favourite fancy glass and poured a glass of Mac’s feijoa and pear and got on with life. [throwing a resentful but touched with a tinge of humour look at hubby having his usual] And guess what? I survived. In fact post dinner, Mac’s drink done I was fine and got on with the task of relaxing, reading the local papers and finishing reading ‘Mrs D is Going Without”. [ shocking point to note here is that my favourite glass held a 330ml glass of Mac’s, not even full and I was having 2 glasses of wine in that glass a night – do your maths, it’s not pretty].
I haven’t quite got to that stage of feeling quite proud of myself for not drinking, for waking up in the morning with no signs of a hangover. [not that I actually did that often]. The last time I did a serious the morning after was a year ago and I felt CRAP! Even my hair hurt, trying to shower I needed to throw up but it hurt to move to the toilet. Quite the conundrum. But, and it’s an interesting but – it was all very funny and super cool. I’d had a fantastic night, felt very fun and interesting and worthwhile and had so much fun fun fun. I wasn’t the only one unwell and we all had a good laugh about it. I still remember that night fondly but am sad that we all thought that was okay and acceptable. It was ages before I could touch a drink again though, it was a whole week!!!
Late yesterday our new neighbour popped in for a social catch up. Nice guy, chatty, friendly and very easy going. Oh and likes a drink. He brought up a dozen. “No, I’m good thanks” says I upon being offered one. I did mourn that I won’t drink with these social neighbours ever but got over it. I instantly went into right – what I can take instead mode after being invited round to fish n chips and drinks night at their place. Yay, I can be sober driver to.
So, day 22 and still doing it. Doing great physically and doing very mixed mentally but doing it none the less.
Actually, I ‘m beginning to do a little excited at achieving this, at being successful. It’s a great motivating factor wanting to achieve success. It’s about me and for me.
Okay, back to my wonderful view. I’ll let it’s inspirational strength, beauty and energy infuse me and then I’ll get on with my day.
Love and Laughter