Oh honestly, mourning! Grieving!
Actually, yes. Today I felt a sense of grief and felt I was mourning the loss of something. Driving past a country tavern today I felt so sad, I’m never going to drink in there again. Ever. And lets be fair here, I’ve only ever drunk in their twice!!! And then in town passing cafes etc I thought “nup, never going to drink there again either”. And I don’t normally. I just thought can’t do lunch there now. Back to the country tavern though, I remember a time when a big group of us called in there on a car run and it was great. I was cool with my RTD bottle and felt awesome.
It wasn’t real though was it? If my good time was because of alcohol then it wasn’t really me, you know what I mean – the essence of me that is really me. And come on, can’t go to a café……oh get real. Of course I can. Pretty sure they offer non alcoholic alternatives.
Then getting a few grocery items at Pak n Sav this afternoon, that sense of mourning came back so strongly. There is no avoiding the wine aisle and there were so many bottles on special, new wines unfamiliar to me that I will now never get to know.
So, this sense of grief and mourning was unexpected. And at times intense. I wasn’t prepared to feel like that. After all I’ve made this choice not to drink. And I’ve made it for some pretty damn good reasons.
Some deep breathing and inner courage got me past and out of there feeling okay and in control. Bloody hell though, will these feelings ever go away. And there we have it folks, 12 days in and I’m having a moment.
And that’s all it is, just a moment.
And I got through it, alive and well and intact.
I’m okay. And my lemon lime and bitters in a wine flute at lunch today was very nice.
It’s just a thought and a thought can change. Louise Hay – Heart Thoughts.
Love and Laughter