30th June 2014.
That’s when I started Dry July. I ‘m now 11 days alcohol free. Yay me.
I’ve known for a long while now that I wanted to take a break from drinking. I haven’t labelled myself an alcoholic [ I’ve spent many years giving myself all sorts of labels and most not so self supportive or kind]. Maybe I am, maybe not. I don’t know if that matters. I wasn’t a fall down drunk either, didn’t throw up that often, always remembered what I had done the night before and didn’t do major hangovers on a regular basis. But still I was concerned about how much I was drinking and how regularly. I did much shame over that, lying in bed at night swearing to myself that this was it, I’m not drinking tomorrow. I’m only drinking at the weekends. I’m only doing one bottle a week. I am going to moderate my drinking…………………..yeah right.
Regardless of my genuine intentions is the wee hours I was unable to carry out in actions what I set in thought. And so came the sense of failure and hopelessness. And I had a drink. So I knew I needed and wanted to make some changes. I had already made my mind up to do dry July. Watching Mrs D on 60 minutes helped so much, so very much. I, like so many others, could relate to what she was saying and feeling. So I was on.
I didn’t see the terror coming. Terror of what I was doing because even if I wasn’t quite ready to admit it out loud to anyone let alone myself I was thinking I wouldn’t start up again. I was going to go booze free. That’s it – no more ever.
EVER??? Oh lord what was I thinking??? What about conference where alcohol is free flowing. Oh and did I mention FREE. And then what about Christmas??? Bloody hell. What have I done??
I made it through that initial terror questioning myself as to why was I so scared, scared of what exactly. And so the mantra just for today came in. I only need to focus one day at a time and I can do that.
I’ve had some really good days where alcohol if it has flitted in has flitted on out with no damage done. I had some good days where there is no stress about it all. It’s 11 days!!! How much thinking and not thinking can take place so soon? HEAPS.
Going alcohol free is about loving me and believing in me. It’s about healthy choices and giving me liver the gift of a happier life.
You know, I did dry July around 4 years ago and actually found it really easy. A lot has changed since then. I didn’t start up straight away either. Went away on conference and that’s when I hit some major resistance. [ I’d only had one incidence of disapproval prior to that when a very good friend said if you aren’t drinking I can’t come and visit. And I’m not giving up drinking.] At conference I was told ”I Don’t like the new you, your boring! Ouch. I’d only been there for a couple of hours.
So here I am, choosing to stop drinking alcohol and at times struggling to do it.